Coming up on Understanding
by InnocentGuilt
Summary: Mentions of slash, mostly ensemble. The crew finds out about David Kirk and in general just learn to deal with the many quirks of Jim Kirk. Follow up to The Ice Is Thin, Come On Dive In. Part of the Butterfly Verse.


Disclaimer: I don't this stuff. It'd be really cool if I did…but I would have a very small following. I'm serious. I seem to love myself some pain and drama!

A/N: Uh…like I said this follows up to The Ice Is Thin, Come On, Dive In. Other than that…this is a bunch of hoopla. And I kinda think I'm on crack. Don't know where that last comment came from…but just go with it.

Beta'd by my lovely cousin, magicdaisy…this is the light at the end of my proverbial tunnel.

_Spock:_

Spock has not heard from the Captain, nor from Doctor McCoy since Jim brought a broken, bleeding child onto the ship 5.18 hours ago. They have detained the offender in the brig, though it is not custom for Starfleet flagships to carry such perpetrators. Spock had been hard pressed to argue the captain's decision, and didn't flinch when he sent security to 'guard' the prisoner.

He, himself, is above violence, but he trusts his crew, just as Jim does. They will not do anything too inappropriate. It can not be held against them if the perpetrator continuously provokes the need for physical restraint.

The fact that he hasn't heard anything from Sickbay in fifteen minutes and forty-three seconds would hardly be worrisome on any other day. However, when Nurse Chapel had called that scant quarter hour ago, he had expected some sort of reasoning as to why he was being ordered by a subordinate to double the security around the offender. He had expected the order came from Jim, yet Nurse Chapel's tone had been strained and raised over the sounds of an argument that had been abruptly cut off, presumably behind a closed door.

His curiosity was, and still is, piqued. He would like to remain calm and composed, most of all neutral, but this is a taxing occurrence, and everyone is struck by the news of the broken infant Jim had brought aboard, struck by the fact that they all knew that the child would not survive. He knows that there are several who feel pain for a child they had never even met, and it was Spock's understanding that the infant had been born to a dear friend of Jim's.

Jim's emotions are tumultuous at best, visceral.

He doubts the news of the child's death will have gone over well, and deduces that this is why the security needed doubling. He feels the compulsion to go and check on his friend and captain of the last three years, and for once he does not hesitate to act on this decision.

"Mr. Sulu, you have the conn," he says neatly as he stands from the Captain's chair and makes his way towards the turbolift.

He is unsure what to expect when he enters the Sickbay, but the feeling of false serenity is almost enough to deter his mission. Off to a corner, he sees Nurse Chapel speaking with a young medical assistant, seemingly trying to calm the young woman who is tearful and shocked. It stops when they catch sight of him, but he notices the way the nurse's hand remains on the assistant's shoulder, comfortingly.

"What can I do for you, Commander?"

She says it respectfully, but he can sense an undertone of protectiveness in her voice, along with a fragility that only the death of a child can bring. She is mourning, and he finds it understandable, considering the amount of time she spent operating on the child with Doctor McCoy.

"I wish to speak with Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy."

He says it as he's already working towards the CMO's office, intent on finding out what exactly has transpired. He is suitably surprised when she calls out to deter him from his path.

"I don't think that's wise right now, Commander. The Captain was…" she pauses, trying to articulate the proper word for how Jim responded. "He was a little upset when the news was broken to him."

He knows that such a phrase is an understatement, but the entire crew has been known to protect the captain in the worse stages of his anger, finding it to be sincere and not entirely out of line for the human psyche. Spock nods to her in understanding, but continues towards the door anyway, rationalizing his action, despite the fact that by now his primary goal is to help his friend if at all possible, "Nevertheless, there are protocols that must be met, and statements that must be taken. As a chief witness in this crime, his statement must be taken."

He is standing at the door now, and he reaches his hand up with all the intentions of knocking, but he stops as his ears, having always had better hearing than that of humans, pick up on the conversation from within the office.

"_This isn't about my son if you still think that's what this is about."_

The voice is most definitely Jim's and though Spock has never really been keen on eavesdropping his interest is overwhelming. He had been unaware that Jim had any offspring. Momentarily, he wondered if perhaps the young boy who had been operated on had been Jim's son. Spock drops his hand from the air, and stares at the door intently without any validation at all.

The answer to his unasked question is given by Doctor McCoy, who speaks next with the same heat and passion he is prone to exhibit.

"_Bullshit! I know it's not completely about David. How could it be? An innocent infant was thrown across the room. That's all anyone would have to hear and they'd shoot the bastard without hesitation! But don't deny that when you picked that baby up…"_

It is obvious to Spock, during the pause that occurs after the doctor tapers, that the infant that was operated on was not Jim's son. Even with that question answered, a plethora of unanswered question spring forth in Spock's mind, gluing him to his spot, despite the fact that he knows the should not be prying into a conversation that no one else is meant to hear.

From behind him, someone steps closer and he hears Nurse Chapel call for him, curiously, "Commander Spock? What…?"

He has never been one to interrupt someone's thoughts…save for maybe Jim's and only when he refuses to even consider logic and more importantly the laws of physics, but he cuts her off, putting his hand up as a physical gesture for her to stop. "Please, refrain from coming any closer, Nurse."

He knows she wouldn't be able to hear the conversation being spoken behind the doors. The CMO's office is soundproofed just as the Captain's ready room is, but he does not feel she should be too close. It is illogical, but there is a barrier that shouldn't be breeched in regards to secrets, and even though he is breaking that barrier there is only so much room.

"_But he deserves it! He fucking _deserves_ it for…for _killing_ what I would have _killed to have at all! _How could he do that? How could he…It was his _baby_. It was his son, and he was healthy and beautiful and strong and I would have given my _soul_ to have him. I would have. I wanted David _so bad_._"

Jim's voice is…anguished, and Spock can only deduce that he too has lost his child. He feels a muscle in his jaw flex, and a twitch between his brows as they itch to pull down into a frown. He does not need to be empathetic to feel Jim's heartache, even through the sturdy door between them. His heart beats painfully for his friend inside his ribcage, and he feels the illogical urge to press his hand to his side to get it to steady.

"_It hurt _so much_ when they…the doctor handed me…he was _so still_. I would have given…given anything to hear him cry_…"

Spock jerks away from the door. He has heard enough, violated their privacy plenty for the next century if he were forced to put a time limit on it. He feels a subtle flash of guilt surge through him, but it is largely outnumbered by the feelings of grief and despair for his friend.

Folding his arms behind his back, he turns to Nurse Chapel, who still stares at him curiously. "I have reevaluated your opinion. It is logical to let the Captain regain equilibrium before requesting a testimony from him. After all, this child was that of a friend. Inform Captain Kirk that his statement is needed as soon as possible."

She nods resolutely, and he continues on with business as usual, compartmentalizing and tucking away information about a man, who even after three years of friendship remains an enigma to Spock.

_Scotty:_

Scotty has just finished tinkering with the Jefferies tubes. There was nothing wrong with them per se, but he still can't just stop upgrading and checking up on his lovely lady. He's heading back to his area of work that could be an office underneath all the padds, diagrams, empty food dishes and popcorn kernels, but it's been so long since he's last seen it without its mess that its best not to assume there is an office under there somewhere.

He's almost made it back too, when he hears a quiet commotion coming from the back of the loading dock where he has none-too-secretly hidden his distillery. He rolls his eyes, cursing whatever lock-jawed idiot is tinkering with it,_ again._ He just got the thing to yield the perfect ambrosia. He doesn't need to calibrate it again just because some little Russian lightweight cannae hold good booze!

He's a little shocked when he sees the captain at his still, not because the captain is drinking from his still. Really, the man seems to be the only one besides him and Keenser who can handle the stuff and still remain semi-conscious. No, he's shocked because he's sprawled out on the floor, his cup held firmly in his hand with all of the liquid still inside despite the fact that Scotty's pretty sure he just toppled over—sign of a good drinker. It's more than apparent that this isn't the Captain's first glass.

He stands there for a moment, hovering over his captain with his mouth gaping a little in confusion, before Kirk turns his head to look at him. When he does, a large smile breaks out over his face, and his bloodshot eyes glow in delight.

"Scotty!" he says jubilantly. "I bet you'd be a great lay!"

Scotty stops, thinks about it, before he nods. "I have been told I'm pretty amazing, yes." He smiles pretty jubilantly himself, before going over to sit against the wall, where Kirk is slowly crawling to himself, still without spilling his drink. "What has ye down here, Captain?"

Kirk sets himself against the wall…mostly, before his head lolls to the side to stare at Scotty from under his brows. "I'm drinking," he says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, which it is, and he waves his glass around before bringing it up to his lips to take a slurp of moonshine.

"Yes, I had noticed that meself. You dinnae think to wait fer me?" Scotty ribs, smile widening when Kirk hands him the glass graciously.

He looks up at the ceiling as Scotty takes a swig of the drink, looking at the high ceiling above them that would feel like an incomplete pipe puzzle to anyone but the two of them. "I needed a head start and Bones has found a new hidey-hole for his bourbon."

"Ah, I understand." He really doesn't.

"You know what sucks?" the captain asks, taking his drink back and nearly swallowing all of it in one gulp, letting the burn linger and probably not waiting for an answer from the Scot at all.

He answers anyway. "The utter lack of good sandwich meat on this ship?"

Jim points a finger at him around the cup in his hand, smiling as if, yes, that is the suckiest thing in the entire universe. "That's a close second, but no. What sucks is that I should_ not_ be here!" Well, Scotty hadn't really expected that. "I mean, I should be here. I love being here, and I wouldn't trade this for the world…but I _shouldn't be here_! Y'know?" Nope, he still really doesn't.

"I mean, by all rights, I should be in Iowa. I should live in a shitty apartment, and work for the same stupid mechanics shop that I did ten years ago, trying to support me and my kid."

Kirk gives a snort of laughter, and in that short pause, Scotty thinks that perhaps this is the time where he should start limiting what Kirk can or can't have. And that is completely ludicrous; has never happened before in the history of their knowing each other, mostly because Scotty himself is usually too drunk to be limiting anyone, but still…

Kirk finishes his drink and reaches to refill it, somehow maneuvering himself up to reach all the knobs and such that he needs to turn to fill his glass back up, and Scotty doesn't stop him, despite knowing he probably should. If he has to deliver McCoy a drunken Kirk, he will likely be included in the punishment bestowed. He can't find it in him, though. He knows Kirk wouldn't stop him, and there's a sort of sacredness in that.

Drink 'til you drop, they say, and then drink some more.

Kirk resettles himself, taking more gulps from his cup in a hurry, before he continues rambling.

"I mean, he would have been thirteen by now._ Thirteen!_ Starting high school, and dealing with girls, and probably hating my guts." Scotty doesn't know what the hell he put in the moonshine, but he should probably take it to Mister Spock to have it tested for some sort of toxin…won't that be pleasant.

He does quick math in his head, almost as simple as breathing, and figures that if this mystery child existed then the good captain would have only been about fifteen years old when the tike was born, and that just doesn't really suit the image of Kirk. Well, it does, but it doesn't. Kirk seems to be the cautious type. Even before he and the doctor, and he's heard that there was a time when it wasn't he and the doctor, though it's hard to believe, he doesn't seem like the type to let any accidents happen. Not at all.

"In the end, I guess it is kinda a good thing that he died. I mean it's never a good thing, but if he hadn't I would never have left Iowa, and there would be no Iowa because Nero would have destroyed Earth and all, but…" he flounders for words, and so does Scotty.

He has no idea what's going on, but he feels like something just clicked into place for him. Not that Kirk acts like the father-that-never was, but he has a certain way with children, a soft spot for them, and there may have been a sort of glimmer in his eye…and yeah, Scotty shouldn't be drinking that stuff either, because now he was just making shit up.

He thinks that maybe he should feel sorry for the captain, or at the very least…console him or something. After all the man did just confess to losing a child and that is never easy, but he doesn't think that's what Kirk wants. So, he hunkers down next to the captain, refuses the glass when it's offered to him and asks conversationally, because that's how the captain has been speaking the entire time, "So, er, what was the little tike's name?"

He smiles, and it's a secret smile, one that makes Scotty wonder if he's ever smiled about this at all. "David," he says. "David Marcus Kirk. Was gonna be David Kirk Marcus, but Carol said that sounded stupid." At that he frowns. "She thought a lot of my ideas were stupid. Probably a good thing we didn't get married."

Scotty nods, despite the fact that he_ still has no idea what's going on_. "What was he like, if ye donnae mind me…" he trails off when Kirk shrugs, taking in the way his eyes stare straight ahead and suddenly, this doesn't feel just conversational anymore. This has taken a wrong turn somewhere around Romulus, and Scotty doesn't know how to turn back around.

"Dunno," Kirk says, almost blankly, but still with a hint of regret. "That's why I've been thinkin' about him, I guess. Never got to know him, and after Xander," it takes Scotty a moment, but he finally places the name from that little boy that had been brought to the_ Enterprise_ all but dead in the captain's arms. The little boy's bastard father had been tried earlier this morning, and sentenced to death, after the two key witnesses' testimonies. One testimony had been Xander's distraught mother, and the other had been a recorded statement given by Kirk.

"After Xander, I haven't been able to stop wondering." Kirk looks at his glass, mostly empty again, and it's a miracle and a true testament to the man's alcohol tolerance that he can even still talk with some semblance of coherency after how much he's consumed in the past fifteen minutes alone. Kirk sighs and hands Scotty his glass. "I should probably talk to Bones."

"Aye, lad," Scotty agrees, because this isn't his forte. He's no psychologist and honestly, he's not sure he has the stamina to listen to this story. It just sounds like there's too much heartbreak to be found within it. "I reckon that's the right way to go about it."

He helps Kirk to his feet and all the way to the doctor's office, where McCoy is unsurprisingly bent over a pile of padds. He doesn't say a word to the doctor, and surprisingly he doesn't growl at Scotty or Kirk, just takes the captain into a seat and bids the engineer a final goodnight.

Scotty tries to forget about the conversation, for everyone's sake, but when he ends up in his "office" finally, he can't help but looking up this David Kirk, wanting to know just a little more about him. He's saddened to discover that there are only three things to know: Name, Date of Birth, and Date of Death.

_Nyota:_

Nyota needs to talk to Kirk. She and the rest of the bridge crew have been under constant siege from his bad attitude and really, she's had enough of it. She doesn't know what the hell crawled up his ass and died, but she's not going to take anymore of his fowl attitude. She's been waiting to get him alone to talk to him, because it has been her experience that one on one talks go over much better with Kirk than in front of a crowd, and after all, he is the captain. She should be respectful and keep these confrontations as private as possible.

So she's waited for Len to have Beta shift. He won't be returning to Kirk's quarters for at least another four hours. It should be fairly simple to sit him down and tell him to pull his shit together, because he's really bringing moral down.

When she gets to the Kirk's rooms, she reaches up to knock when the door just opens, which is just odd. Kirk has always been very reachable to his crew, but usually you have to knock and at least get his attention. It's uncommon for his door to just whoosh open like a convenient store welcoming customers. She steps in gingerly but with purpose, trying to see if the captain is actually in his rooms or if his door is some sort of voicemail.

It's mostly dark in the room, and it's almost quiet, but there's a quiet chatter coming from the living space and she inches towards it, unsure if she's caught Kirk with one of his other Bridge Staff who also happens to be pissed at him.

As she inches closer, the chatter becomes distinct. It's the communications static. She realizes he's trying to call someone, and from the sound of the static breaking and crackling and the very soft, if not a bit saddened woman's voice, he's made it through.

"Hey, Jimboy," the lady says and from where Nyota is she can see the woman, older, with short hair cropped around her ears. It's a cute look, she thinks. She wonders who the woman is and why Kirk is calling her. He has never, even before Len, been into older women. Kirk always trailed after women his age or a little younger. The woman smiles, slow and sweet and reaches out to caress the screen, as if she could touch Kirk herself. "Is everything okay?" she asks.

Kirk scoffs softly. "Yeah, Ma, just because I'm calling doesn't mean I'm dying."

Nyota looks at the woman again, after hearing Kirk refer to her as his mother. She doesn't look too much like Kirk, but she's seen enough pictures of George Kirk to know that Jim is practically his spitting image. But looking at her closely, she can_ almost_ see a resemblance. A little around the eyes, and the way they crinkle when their smiles aren't real.

She gives him a soft laugh, one that probably used to be louder, but after time just wore out. "Jimboy, I don't think you're dying, but you kinda look sad." She pauses and looks to think about something for a moment before she says accusingly, "And you're calling a year early!"

Kirk actually laughs at that, one that's real and not like his mother's at all. "I can't call my mother whenever I feel like it? You get to call me every two years. Maybe I was thinking about switching the routine around. How the hell would you know?"

"How the fuck did I raise such an asshole?"

And that shocks the hell out of Nyota, because her mom never talks like that around her. Kirk, however, laughs and says, "I don't know. You being a bitch probably didn't help."

Nyota puts her hand over her mouth to keep the surprised noise inside her mouth, but that too gets a small laugh from his mom. "I am the sweetest thing on Earth, Jimboy. You know that."

"Ma, you're on the moon."

She shrugs, like its no big thing for them to act like this, and Nyota thinks that perhaps this is why Kirk is so fucked up. He and his mother seem to have a very dissociative relationship, and worse, they both seem to enjoy it.

There's a small pause between mother and son, and Mrs. Kirk looks down at something on her side of the screen. Then her lips purse and she looks up at Kirk with saddened eyes. "What's wrong, Jimboy? I haven't seen you look like this for a while, baby."

Kirk sighs and puts his head in his hands. His words are muffled through his hands, but Nyota has dealt with worse so she can make out his words fairly easily, even if Mrs. Kirk looks like she can't understand a damn thing her son just said. Nyota doesn't know who David is, but she automatically feels a sense of foreboding.

Mrs. Kirk sighs. "Jim, baby, eye contact. No one can hear you when you talk into your hands."

The phrase sounds so mother-like, while at the same time…not. It sounds like something a psychologist would say. Nyota isn't sure what Mrs. Kirk does, but she had been under the impression that she had gone into the Exploratory Sciences track at Starfleet. Even people who see a psychologist, usually don't speak to their kids like that…do they? She wonders about that as Kirk snaps his head up to stare at his mother.

"I've been thinking about David a lot," he says again, sounding sad and a little heartsick. "and Bones said I should talk about him with some other people. Apparently, keeping secrets can fester and form some sort of psychosis."

"They make you unapproachable, too," his mother says sagely. She stares at him calmly and acceptingly, as any mother should, despite the fact it is more than apparent that this woman is not just any mother. "What about David have you been thinking about?"

"Anything. Everything." He sighs and leans back, looking for a moment like he wants to cover his face again, but just as his hands twitch to go up, he grabs at his pants, keeping them firmly in his lap. It looks like a practiced move, one of the several tricks he's taught himself so that he looks perfect. "I've been wondering what he…what he_ would_ have been like, y'know? I can't help feeling like I was…I don't know, like even never knowing him, I know I missed out on something great."

Mrs. Kirk nods, not interrupting.

"I mean, okay, okay…" he takes a deep breath and leans forward again, as if trying to get his mother's comfort through a screen and light years away from her. Nyota is fascinated by this. She has never seen Kirk like this and she's known him for almost a decade. She's pretty close to calling him one of her dearest friends and he's seen her in all manner of situations, but she has never seen this man, never seen this pain. "He was my son, and I never got to know him, and I know I'm not supposed to feel happy about that, but I can't help but feel like he's been taking over my mind lately. I don't even know why! I mean…he_ died_ fourteen years ago, for fuck's sake!"

Mrs. Kirk shakes her head, and leans forward as well. "Jim," she says lovingly, brokenly, "He was your son, and despite whether you knew him or not, he will always be your son. Baby, it doesn't matter if he was stillborn, the fact of the matter is you saw him move when you went to the doctors with Carol. He was alive and he was your son and you loved him. And that was taken away from you. Time doesn't take that away." She nods, like she knows, and something tells Nyota that she really does.

"It's okay to think about him, especially so close to his birthday, and honestly I'm proud that you aren't burying him anymore," she continues, tapping on the screen when Jim looks down at his lap. She wants his attention, and under all of the idiosyncrasies that she and her son seem to live under, she is still his mother. "Jim, you lived with him buried for so long, it was only a matter of time before he caught up to you. It's not a bad thing, Jimboy. Okay?"

Kirk nods and so does she. "Okay," she says again, as if answering for both of them. "I hate to do this to you, Jim, but I have to get up early tomorrow, and it's already pretty late here."

Jim nods, and Nyota can hear his own small broken smile, probably the same one she gives him. "Yeah, okay, Ma. Thanks for talking to me."

"Anytime, baby. I do love you, despite what I tell you normally."

Jim laughs and says, "I guess you're kinda loveable, too. Bye, Ma."

They sign off and Nyota slowly backs away. She doesn't think he needs her yelling at him right now, and she has the answer to why he's being so pissy. She can let it go for a while, and if it gets too bad, she'll call Len. He seems to have a handle on this and on Jim. She'll let it go for now.

_Pavel & Hikaru:_

Pavel and Hikaru are in the cafeteria for their lunch break. They aren't really that sociable today. Usually they would sit in a small group, with some of the other friends they've made from other departments, but right now they're too volatile. They've had to deal with Kirk and he has been in a helluva bad mood. Normally, he's a pretty alright guy to be around. He's funny and easy going. He knows how to talk to them, and he doesn't mind a little joking around when they've finished their work for the moment. Lately, though, he's just been in a foul mood and the bridge crew is taking all the hits.

So Pavel and Hikaru stab at their food and glare angrily at the table, thinking up mean things that they can say to their captain, because what sane person doesn't do that. And suddenly there's a clatter of a tray on their table topped high with an assortment of food the kitchen chefs were just joking about. Hikaru and Pavel look up simultaneously, shocked when they see Scotty sitting next to them like they aren't glaring holes into his precious baby. He smiles and picks up a sandwich that has something green and stringy on it, taking a large bite before he actually gets a good look at them.

"Oi, what's wrong with the two of you?" he asks around a mouthful of half-chewed seaweed sandwich.

Pavel looks back down at his food and stabs viciously. When no answer is forthcoming from him, Hikaru looks at Scotty with his own glare and says, "The captain has been riding our asses. He's been chewing out the entire bridge crew and growling at them afterwards just for the hell of it."

Scotty frowns deeply, his brows pulling down and nearly eclipsing his eyes. "Now that doesn' sound like our captain. What's been going on up there?"

"Nothing!" Pavel says finally, slamming down his fork. Out of all the bridge crew he's been the one to take this the hardest. He's not used to Captain Kirk's anger. He's never seen it unless something is going terribly bad, and to have it suddenly every time Kirk is around is hard for the almost twenty-one year old. "He is just being angry. For no reason! He is being a jerk!"

"Settle down, Mr. Chekov. No need for such hard language," Scotty says and neither of them are sure if he's being a prick too, or if he means that, because really Pavel is hard-pressed to speak ill of anyone. The Scot sighs and looks to be thinking as he chews on his alien-tentacle-monster sandwich. When he swallows his food, he nods decisively and leans forward, looking grave and serious. "Listen, lads, I'm sure the captain doesn't mean to be so harsh. He's undergoing a tough time, y'see?"

"What tough time," Hikaru demands. "We are carting around a diplomat who Kirk can hardly talk to without Lieutenant Uhura around, and she's the nicest person ever and spends three-quarters of her time praying! What stress is he going through?"

"Keep yer voice down, Mr. Sulu!" Scotty snaps. "Now, dinnae I tell ye to listen? What I'm about to tell ye, will never be spoken of again. Ever!" When they stare at him blankly, he huffs and waves his hand in the air. "Can I at least get a vague nod of affirmation?"

"Yeah" "Yes."

He shakes his head at them but continues anyway. "All righty then, now…right about this time of year…in fact, today if ye really want to know, is his son's birthday and deathday. D'ye understand? The man isn't trying to be a jackass, but I cannae imagine this is easy for him."

"But…the Keptin…he has newer been like this before," Pavel says, still a little irritated because this just sounds like a bunch of hoopla!

"Well…" Scotty tries, but suddenly he's smacked over the back of the head. He yelps painfully and they all look up completely flabbergasted to see Doctor McCoy standing over them with a glare that would easily destroy the universe if it weren't directed at the three of them.

"Scotty, what the hell are you doing?" he demands, leaning down close to the engineer so he's not overheard. "Jim may have been drunk when he told you that, but he did tell you in complete confidentiality."

Scotty makes a strangled noise and waves his hands at Hikaru and Pavel in a helpless way. "They were ready to mutineer the captain," he says, which earns the other two a very angry glare. "I was trying to explain…"

"You don't need to explain shit. Jim is dealing with it, and if anyone wants to try mutiny they can deal with it themselves or at the very least get more than two people to help them overthrow the captain." He glares at them all for a moment longer before standing up to his full height again. "Keep that little bit of information to yourselves, boys, and act surprised when Jim apologizes."

He shakes his head and walks out of the cafeteria, apparently no longer hungry. Scotty watches him go before he spins on Pavel and Hikaru. "Look what ye did!" he whispers angrily.

"What we did?" Pavel says just as indignantly. "You vere the one who said ve vere planning a mutiny! I think it was us who got the short end of the stick!" He picks up his fork and stabs even more violently at his food now, but Sulu is staring at Scotty with an edge of disbelief still lingering in his dark eyes.

"Kirk really had a kid?" he asks, leaning nearly over the table to whisper quietly to Scotty, just in case McCoy comes back.

Scotty looks sad for a moment, contemplating his algae sandwich. "Aye. Woulda been fourteen today. So, maybe ye could be a little more considerate of the captain. He's not one to just get upset over nothin' and he always makes it a point to consider what's wrong with us. So maybe next time, 'stead of fuming here over yer spaghetti, ye could show him a bit of compassion, yeah?"

It's a rare thing to get a talking to from Scotty so they both look at him and agree. Scotty smiles and goes back to his sandwich, seemingly quite happy with himself. Later that day, after they return from lunch, they bear through the captain's nearly unbearable mood, taking his biting attitude in stride. Hikaru notices for the first time that Spock and Uhura chase each other with worried glances. He wonders if they knew about Kirk's kid too.

It's only after Kirk has gone to his ready room that Uhura makes a call to the doctor. Neither Pavel nor Hikaru hear much, but they both make out a 'please, Len' and a 'Jesus, how the hell did_ everyone_ find out.' They wait in tense silence, speaking only when Spock speaks to them.

McCoy comes up, looking drawn and sorrowful, but scowling for show. He glares at them all before he enters the ready room and the door is barely shut before he's growling out, "Scaring the crew is my job, Jim."

An hour later, Jim comes out, looking withdrawn and tired and he sits in his chair without making eye contact to anyone. McCoy leaves the Bridge, not saying a word to any of them as the 'lift doors shut. When the doctor is gone, Kirk looks around to the bridge crew, careful to keep his eyes steadily over their shoulder as he asks, "You guys wanna come to my quarters later? I think I should apologize…y'know, for the way I've been acting."

They all agree, while making it clear that it's no problem, even if they were all getting spread a little thin with his attitude. Kirk looks at them, finally, because even if it's just been a minute and a half it feels like forever since he actually last looked _at them_, and smiles, and Pavel gets the feeling that Kirk knows that they all know, and the only thing Pavel can think is that at least Kirk isn't angry with them.

A/N: Uh…The End.

InnocentGuilt


End file.
